Taylor: Good evening and welcome to the Momworks family "Favorite Parent" debate. The audience has been instructed to be respectful and restrain from applause. Candidates Mom and Dad will be asked questions from our moderators: Me, 12-year-old Taylor, and my brother, 6-year-old Sammy.

First question goes to Mom. I'm hungry. What's for dinner?

Mom: First of all Taylor and Sammy, let me say thank you for hosting this debate. You, the voters, must ask yourself: Are you better off than you were two weeks ago when Dad forgot the milk and instead came home with Ramen Noodles and summer sausage? It's time to change the culture of consumption in this household, and I will do that starting on Day One.

To put healthier meals on the table, I propose increasing the grocery budget by 25 percent. I'll buy healthy snacks and put them in the hands of those who need them the most - you, the voters. The fat cats in the master bedroom don't need more summer sausage.

Dad: I still didn't hear what was for dinner, did you? Children, I'm for buying foods that actually get eaten: Summer sausage and Ramen noodles, of course. But also potato chips and chocolate ice cream. Therefore, I will reserve grocery list line-item veto power to make room in the budget for the foods you love the most. No more cottage cheese and black beans for the healthy-eating elite. Average hard-working children want more salted Corn Nuts and less Grapenuts.

Sammy: Next question. Dad, where are my shoes?

Dad: I know, you can't find them because you didn't put them away. Chores can feel like a real bummer. That's why I want to give you the tools that actually shrink household chores. It's called "Clean As You Go." Now, my opponent believes that it's OK to put off small day-to-day tasks. Leave a dish on the counter for tomorrow, pick up that dirty shirt later. By the end of the week, there's a huge laundry deficit and a big pile of dishes. Mom's plan would have us cleaning all weekend.

Mom: Folks, this is a candidate who has worked at home for eight years but has rarely stepped down the stairs to wash a load of towels. He has never "Cleaned As He Went." Don't listen to his rhetoric, look at his record. My full cleaning plan is at www.MomforFavorite.com and -

Taylor: Time! Mom, this question is for you. That basement is getting pretty cold. Can I turn up the heat?

Mom: No, but here's why. Energy prices are killing us. And under Dad's administration, our gas bills are slated to go up at least 20 percent this winter. Twenty percent.

That's why I'm proposing to set the programmable thermostat at 65 degrees in the morning and at 60 degrees at night. We all must do our part. Let's find our slippers and wear them. The more money we save on gas, the more money we have for family fun.

Dad: Hey, on energy costs, I'm just as concerned as my opponent. Back in September, I rolled up my sleeves, took out the credit card and bought a new chainsaw. Remember when I revved it up in garage, Sammy? And I went out and cut up a bunch of firewood.

While Mom would have you breathing clouds of cold air and parading around in sweaters, I say we stoke up a big fire in the fireplace.

Mom: Can I respond? I need to respond to that. If you'll remember, Dad never got around to having the chimney inspected when we moved in, and now I hear it's a fire hazard. Is that the kind of leadership this house needs? I don't think so.

Sammy: I'm tired of this. Can I watch Sponge Bob?

Dad: Speaking of tired, I believe bedtime is an individual responsibility. While I encourage a reasonable bedtime on school nights, I generally believe in a sleep-and-let-others-watch-a-little-more-TV-until-they're-sleepy approach to bedtime.

Sammy and Taylor: Yay!

Mom: This is ridiculous. As much as we'd all like to, we can't just do whatever we want -

Dad: Oh great. Here comes another lecture. My friends, when it comes to who can best fulfill the duties of Favorite Parent, the choice is clear. Just last week it was me who let you play with a tube of fake blood and throwing stars and then upload the video on YouTube. Mom's idea of fun was hauling you off to the dentist. While I was in the front yard helping you set off parachute rockets, Mom was fretting to her sister about me supposedly setting a bad example. Now I ask you, who can deliver on the promise of a fun future in this household?

Mom: What? Was there a question there? This is not -

Taylor: And that's all the time we've got. Thanks for joining us. Dad, want to play some video games?

Dad: Sure son. Sammy, are you coming?

Mom: Wait! I'll play video games.

Hey, who wants Grapenuts! They've got a full days-worth of fiber. Boys? BOYS?

Kristy's husband, Favorite Parent-elect Dad, contributed to this report. Reach features editor Kristy Gray at (307) 266-0586 or kristy.gray@trib.com