Traumatized children come in many forms. They are the children of divorce, children living in homes with alcoholics or children who have been sexually abused.

"Just being put in a foster home is traumatic," said Pat Hans, president of the Wyoming Foster/Adopt Parent Association.

Hans has been a foster parent for 31 years, in addition to raising two children of her own. She usually has five foster children under her care. Right now, she has only three.

She's seen children steal, lie, manipulate and do other awful things simply because, in many cases, that's the only way they know how to survive.

"They think, 'I was able to feed myself by stealing and now you're telling me to stop,'" Hans said.

Hans and other advocates for children gathered at the Holiday Inn on the River Friday and will do so again today to discuss the best practices for working with traumatized children and their families.

National experts on parenting, children in distress and disorders associated with trauma spoke to foster and adoptive parents, mental health professionals, Department of Family Services and others concerned with the well-being of children in Wyoming during the Second Annual Children's Conference.

Last year, the event sponsored by foster/adoption parent association, the Natrona County Child Protection Team and other organizations focused on sexual abuse among children.

Doris Lowe, chair of the Natrona County Child Protection Team, said they decided to focus on traumatized children because they often are the ones that end up hurting themselves and society, and it's a big problem in the state.

"It is reflected in our prisons and our substance abuse problems," said Lowe, a counselor at Mercer House, which provides treatment services for adults and children.

Traumatized children need to learn how to form meaningful relationships with a "give and take" attitude, Lowe said.

"They need to grow up to be productive citizens," Lowe said.

Keynote speaker Katharine Leslie talked about the relationship between a parent and a child and how it is unlike any other type of relationship.

Leslie, who is certified as a family life educator, said children might not be able to give as much in a relationship with a parent as much as they would with friends.

"But they do give," she said. "A child who is not taught how to meet the needs of their parents most likely won't ever meet the needs of others. They will struggle with relationships forever."

She said children who are overindulged by parents and grandparents exhibit some of the same attachment problems of those who are abused or neglected.

These traumatized children must learn how to form meaningful give-and-take relationships, she said.

This was not something Hans knew when she first became a foster mom. She never yelled at the children for having a messy room, forgetting to do chores or having a tantrum in stores.

Now, she has no problem scolding a crying 2-year-old in the store or telling the 4-year-old to put his clothes in the hamper.

"You are teaching them skills and they are proud of themselves," Hans said. "Relationships are the most important thing."

Contact health reporter Allison Rupp at (307) 266-0534 or allison.rupp@casperstartribune.net.