BEEEEEEEEEP.

Hi. This is Kristy's phone. She doesn't have AT&T, so she has, like, zero bars in this coffee shop. Or maybe she's just turned me off. Anyway, the point is she's not answering.

So, husband, that message you're leaving about picking up Sammy after school, she's not going to get that. She also won't get any of the messages from Sammy's teachers wondering if someone's coming, so you might as well pick him up yourself. As originally planned, I might add.

And, Taylor, you can send all the text messages you want about hanging out with your friends tonight, needing a ride and, you know, some money, but she's going to ignore them. At least for a while. She'll be home soon enough and she'll be happy to speak to you face to face. Maybe you'll even tell her how your day went without using the words "good" or "fine." Hey, she's the mother of a teenager. She can hope, can't she?

No, husband, she doesn't know what's for dinner. Quit calling.

Well, hello, Kristy's work. She's busy right now, but she'll be happy to tell you when her story will be finished, what's coming up next week and whether or not she plans on showing up tomorrow just as soon as she knows herself. She'd like to answer. Really. But she's "networking" at this coffee shop, and it's rude to answer me in public places. At least that's what she says when she doesn't want to answer calls from - well - you.

Little Sammy! How nice of you to call. Please leave your message after my tone. Your mother wants to hear all about how Taylor is being so, so, so mean and how you just can't clean your room because it's like an explosion tornado. She just doesn't want to hear about it right now. "Networking," remember. Don't worry though. She'll be home to give you "the talk" in a few minutes.

Really, Kristy's credit card company! I'm not sure how you got my number, but she's tired of telling you she doesn't want your rewards program. While I'm on the subject, if any callers want her vote, are hoping for money or have a survey that will "take just a few minutes" of her time, Kristy doesn't want to talk to you either. Trust me. I know.

Seriously, husband? You're still on the milk? I predict that she'll totally "forget" to pick that up. But hey, what do I know? I'm just her cell phone.

In short, Kristy doesn't have AT&T. But let's be honest: It wouldn't matter if she did.

She's got plenty of bars right now. She's not answering because she doesn't want to. At least not until she's done sipping her mocha latte in this quiet coffee shop with no kids, husband, coworkers or telemarketers to bother her.

Oh yeah, and because she's "networking."

Try to reach features editor Kristy Gray at (307) 266-0586 or kristy.gray@trib.com. She notes that she's not checking her e-mail either.