A dinner table comes with four chairs. A set of dishes has four bowls, four plates, four glasses.

And the Shepard family - four was always their number.

A mother, a father and two sons. A family of four.

"All the games with four people … we only have three people now," said Dennis Shepard. "You sit down at the table to have dinner, and you keep waiting for somebody to sit down. The chair's there."

"We're different," said Judy Shepard. "We're different. We're missing somebody."

On Oct. 7, 1998, Matthew Shepard, Dennis and Judy's 21-year-old son, was led to a remote area east of Laramie by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson. There, McKinney and Henderson tied him to a split-rail fence, beat him and left him to die.

On Oct. 7, 1998, the Shepard family changed forever.

Before that day, Judy was a stay-at-home mom, with a routine familiar to many mothers.

"Get up, fix breakfast, get the kids off to school. Make lunch, make dinner, get the kids off to bed," Judy said. "We were fortunate enough that I was able to be at home with the two kids, so that's what I was."

Before that day, Dennis was a father who enjoyed hunting and fishing with his eldest son, who had a passion for being outdoors. They lived together in Saudi Arabia, where Dennis was working as an engineer.

It only took a phone call to turn their lives upside-down.

"It was 5 o'clock in the morning," Dennis said. "Flights only leave at midnight. We had to go almost 24 hours before we could leave."

"We just sort of went into this mode of, 'We have to get things done,'" Judy said. "… I don't remember a lot."

Matthew was found almost 18 hours after he'd been beaten, still tied to the fence. A cyclist initially mistook him for a scarecrow. He died on Oct. 12, 1998, at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colo.

"We were with him when he died," Judy said.

Ten years later, Dennis still lives in Saudi Arabia working as an engineer. He wears a purple rubber bracelet with the words "Erase Hate" on it.

Judy lives on the road, traveling around the country to speak about hate issues and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights as the executive director of the Matthew Shepard Foundation. She educated herself about those issues, issues she didn't think about before Oct. 7, 1998.

Their youngest son, Logan, works for the foundation's Denver office. The Shepards created the foundation in honor of Matthew's life. It seeks to replace hate with understanding, compassion and acceptance.

"It's all long-distance phone calls," Dennis said.

"E-mails," Judy added.

Their family, once a four-person team, is down one player.

While the past decade has changed the Shepard family, it hasn't changed everything around them.

"We're still waiting for a hate crime law in Wyoming," Dennis said, his voice rising slightly.

"It's been very disappointing how slow the changes have come," Judy said. "It just seems like the last 10 years we've been stuck."

Yet Dennis and Judy can see an increase in acceptance. They express an appreciation for the gay marriage law in California, that New York recognizes gay marriage and that other states recognize civil unions.

They are excited about the positive outlook youth have about the gay community and gay rights. Television shows such as "Will and Grace" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" have helped create that positive vibe, Judy said.

"When I traveled, when I first saw college kids, they were afraid," Judy said. "They had a trepidation about their futures. Now they are motivated, empowered. When they run for office and they vote, things are going to be much different than they are now."

"These young kids, they grew up with a gay community," Dennis said. "It's no problem to them."

For 10 years, the Shepards have devoted themselves to issues surrounding hate. When the foundation started in December 1998, Judy didn't know where it would take her family.

"We didn't really know where we were going to, exactly, until we got into it," she said.

Only four people work for the foundation, though it seems as if an entire staff is behind the scenes. The Web site tells Matthew's story, lists resources and educational programs and helps with the production of "The Laramie Project," a play about the aftermath of Matthew's murder.

The foundation also operates Matthew's Place, a youth-oriented Web site where teenagers can find information about coming out, support services and other resources.

"I think we do enough work that people think there are many, many of us," Judy said. "But there's only four. I think we do some really great things."

To observe the 10-year anniversary of Matthew's death, Judy launched the "Campaign to Erase Hate," with the goal of equipping people to discuss and address hate.

The campaign includes "Raise Yourself to the Power of 10," a challenge for every person to invite 10 more people to speak out against hate. The goal is to change the hearts and minds of a million people.

"We're just trying to seize the opportunity this tragedy has given us, and make things different," Judy said. "We certainly didn't think 10 years later we'd be at the forefront of this."

Reach education reporter Jasa Santos at (307) 266-0593 or at Jasa.Santos@trib.com.