Dear Natrona County School District,
I wanted to congratulate those of you working in the upper levels of NCSD on another truly exemplary test. Today started out as another normal day: I was in my English class, receiving an exceptional education despite the numerous violations of common core standards (some people were having an intelligent conversation, and a couple real-life topics were brought up; you know how it is) when all of a sudden, a six-question gift from the district appeared on my desk. My English teacher was slightly miffed at not having a say in the quiz’s questions, but you’re well aware of the ineffectiveness of a master’s in education, I’m sure. After all, managing those with higher education than you is what you’re paid for!
Anyway, the quiz was impressive in format and execution. Not only were the questions slightly muddled by poor phrasing (grammar isn’t as important as some would assume, as was evident by your comma usage) but they were over material that even professionals in the topic of writing can’t agree on, like style! I, of course, got these questions correct, thanks to over ten years studying the intricacies of four-question multiple choice. Never mind that your definitions for these words are contradictory to such old hat books as On Writing Well and The Elements of Style. Surely these books are outdated, despite what the vast majority of college professors would have you believe.
I would like to note that you accidentally added two non-objective questions to the quiz, one on the elementary-school concept of capitalizing proper nouns and the beginning of sentences (surely this was a copy-paste error) and another on the proper usage of a hyphen, which I should hope I’ve exemplified. After all, my dearest wish is to please you, despite the fact that I’ve never met you and you’re only mentioned when a problem can’t be solved due to your extensive bureaucracy. I don't mind. I’m sure you’re all lovely people.
I have the honor to be your obedient servant,