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Jones: Exaggeration is how we communicate nowadays

Jones: Exaggeration is how we communicate nowadays

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As I observe outcries about voter suppression, I realize that my civil rights are being violated. The requirements for voting are generally:

1) Register in advance.

2) Provide identification.

3) Don't campaign near the voting line.

4) Vote in person on one of several dates, or by mail if necessary.

Most state voting rules fill a small pamphlet and are quite liberal, yet they are rebranded as restrictions. If you are not allowed to roll out of bed onto a community organizer's party bus on Election Day and partake of a free buffet in line and then vote while naked, unregistered and without ID, you are suppressed.

Lines at the polls are rebranded as a latter-day Bataan Death March, with the final few dozen feet of the line a danger zone where buzzards circle, waiting to pick the flesh from the bones of those who perish from thirst. No adult could have the foresight to carry a bottle of water and a pack of peanut butter crackers. Take a swig from the drinking fountain? Don’t you know the IQ test went out with the poll tax?

I'm registered to vote. I have an ID and my own refreshments. So what's my problem?

The tax code.

If voting rules are Jim Crow promoted to Jim Eagle, then the tax code is an even larger bird: James California Condor, Esquire. Thanks to the multi-thousand pages of "restrictions" in the tax code, I can no longer fill out my own return without using expensive software, which often punts on the gnarly issues and certainly doesn’t offer me a drink of water. The tax code suppresses my money, my spirits, and my rights.

Tell me, any ACLU staffers out there who think simple voting rules constitute abuse, do I have a case against the labyrinthine, Byzantine, libertine, obscene, and lots of other ine/ene/een-words, tax code? Please hurry. The tax filing deadline approacheth, the buzzards are gathering, and I don't see any candidates for office lurking nearby with snacks.

What? I'm exaggerating and mischaracterizing?

Sorry, I thought that was how we communicate nowadays.



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