In Wyoming, dating game can be tough to win

We had makeup on our eyes, color on our lips and boots on our feet. I had invited a guy out I’d been seeing, but he said he was too tired. So I started scanning the bar for a dance partner.

That’s when I saw him. The guy I had invited out who had said he was going to bed! And he was talking to none other than my recent ex-boyfriend. I waved apprehensively.

This is not all too uncommon in Casper. Don’t get me wrong, the ordeal was nightmarish. But the dating pool here is small. As one guy I interviewed about dating in Casper told me, “It’s a small community and we all have to live with one another.”

Some have luck finding love in Wyoming. Others, like me, go to sleep each night with their Netflix-playing laptops taking up the space in bed another person might. One thing is for sure: Finding the right person in the Cowboy State takes patience.

Small dating pool

A Casper resident named Kirstin, who moved here in her 20s, told me it’s impossible to have a healthy dating life in Casper after living here for three years.

She said she feels like she’s run out of options. She also doesn’t think it’s possible to casually date in Casper because the social circles here are so small.

“You can’t even like play the dating scene without everybody at some point seeing how many people you’ve gone out on dates with,” Kirstin said.

Earlier this year I went to a beer festival in Casper only to discover four guys I had gone out with were there.

Tim Kupsick, a 30-year-old Casper resident who grew up in a suburb of Portland, said he makes a point to remain friends with girls he’s dated. That way it’s easy to get along when his social life crosses with one of theirs.

Tim said he’s worked to build an environment within the community where people who share his interests, such as art and film, can feel welcome. As his pool of connections grows through friends of friends, he’s been able to meet new dating prospects.

Chase Gillins, a 26-year-old Rock Springs resident, said the population of each Wyoming town is pretty small and that people seem to pair off pretty quickly.

“So the single folk are not left with much,” he said. Chase learned he had to start doing the “left hand check” for an engagement or wedding ring when he was considering approaching a girl.

Chase previously lived in Casper and tried dating last year after the end of a five-year relationship. He said everybody seems to know everybody, making it difficult to find someone who hasn’t dated one of his friends or who isn’t friends with his ex-girlfriend.

“I realized it’s a tough game in Casper,” Chase said.

Abby Kennedy, a 30-year-old who grew up in Casper, was walking at Morad Park with an ex-girlfriend when she met her wife. Her ex had played softball with her wife in high school. After Kennedy and the ex broke up, she reconnected with Rachelle, whom she married in August on Casper Mountain.

As a gay woman, dating in Wyoming is more difficult because the pool of options is even smaller.

“I feel gay people date here through connections,” she said. “It’s different in bigger towns because they have gay night clubs and gay bars.”

Kirstin said she has made an effort to date people in Colorado. This means driving three or four hours for a date, but it also means having more people to choose from. Casper is isolated in the center of the state, so it’s not possible to drive 30 or 40 minutes to a nearby community to meet someone.

“In Casper, I don’t know personally people who met here and have settled down,” she said. “It’s more common for people to date people in Colorado or in another town.”

Kirstin has previously lived in other large Wyoming towns, where she said the desperation for a date isn’t as apparent as it is in Casper.

“People are less likely to settle,” she said. “They’re consciously making the decision to be with people.”

Kirsten Bright and Adam Gettinger met at a church camp on Laramie Peak when they were kids. They remained long-distance friends, while Kirsten was in Casper and Adam was in Newcastle, for years before Adam moved to Casper for college and they began dating. The two, who have never dated other people, tied the knot this month. Their advice to single people: Value your friendships and don’t be afraid to date long-distance, because you never know what it could lead to.

Joe Eason, a 28-year-old who has lived in Casper his whole life, said he thinks many people in Casper make compromises to avoid being alone.

“It always been kind of tough to find … people that really have a lot in common with you,” he said. “You get really lucky if you can find someone who has a lot of interests the same as you and the same kind of mindset.”

Joe said he went five years between his last girlfriend and his current relationship.

“If you have standards that you want to abide by, dating in Casper, Wyoming, is kind of difficult,” he said.

It makes it harder that there isn’t much of a bar scene here, Joe said, and there aren’t enough bars for like-minded people to gather at one place or another. Kirstin said she has learned to get creative to find entertainment in Wyoming, which usually means getting involved in as many community events as possible, such as fairs and rodeos and group movie nights and theater shows, in order to meet people.

Joe met his girlfriend at the downtown music shop where he works. She would come in to buy music he’d never heard of, he said, and he had a crush on her for a while before seeing her at a bar and asking her out. He said finding someone who is very compatible with you is “like finding a diamond in the rough.”

“Dating around here is not easy, but it’s worth it to be patient and to wait for someone you truly want and can truly love,” he said.

Transient state

Gillins had gone out with a girl in Rock Springs a couple of times before she told him she was looking to move back to Portland, Oregon, soon.

“Being a mid-20s Wyoming person is an interesting and unique experience, because I think we’re all somewhat transient and the ladies I would maybe be interested in generally aren’t sticking around for long, and I’m all over the place, too,” he said.

Kirstin said many young people who come to Wyoming to work have their “eye on the prize.” They’re looking for job opportunities to further their careers.

“Why would I want to invest a ton of time and energy into a relationship when I don’t know if I’m going to be here?” she said. “There’s a degree of separation so I can leave if another job opens up.”

Many young people here, she said, aren’t looking for a serious commitment, so there’s a sense that “this is good for now.”

Joe has a 9-year-old son and chose to stay in Casper to be close to him when a past girlfriend decided to move to Denver. The two tried to do long-distance, but it didn’t work out.

Tim dated a girl for nearly a year knowing she might eventually leave.

“There was a question of whether I should continue something with her, but I said yes because it was a lot of fun, she’s a lot of fun and she’s a great person,” he said.

I’ve met a myriad of inspiring people in Casper, some of whom I’ve dated. But the story replays itself every time — they leave.

Grab bag

Chase called Casper an “interesting microcosm” because of the diverse reasons people move here. For some, it’s a role at the college or the Nicolaysen Art Museum or in the news media. For others, it’s to work in agriculture, the coal mines or the oil fields.

“It’s interesting to see how people from those different areas come in and mix in with what’s already here,” he said. “It’s kind of a grab bag as far as who’s out there to date.”

Kirstin said she has had an easier time connecting with people in university towns, where many people are academically oriented, than in Casper. Here, she struggles to have productive debates and deep conversations with people whose education levels may not match hers, she said.

“My family says, ‘Why aren’t you dating anybody? There are way more men than women in Wyoming,’” she said. “… but I say quality over quantity. If I’m not interested in that demographic, then I’m not interested.”

Chase, a self-described liberal atheist, worries he isn’t an eligible bachelor in Wyoming.

“I definitely fear more what the perception of me is,” he said.

Despite the mixed bag that is the dating atmosphere in Wyoming, or perhaps because of it, Chase said he likes Wyoming because it takes a special person to thrive here.

***

On that summer night at the western bar, I did dance with some plaid-shirted cowboys, and some guys in sweatshirts and sneakers who were not at all like cowboys. I looked around the dance hall in awe, feeling fortunate to be living in this place.

While I have yet to find the one for me in the Cowboy State, Wyoming is truly a special place where different worlds collide to create unparalleled relationships. I’m happy for the diversity this place offers. I’ve become close friends with ranchers, musicians, teachers, oil field workers, engineers and more. And while relating to each of these people has not always been easy, their friendships have taught me to have a broader mind and a deeper heart, making it only more likely that I will be able to let in the right one when he comes along.