Nontitled property is a legal term for property you own that – unlike real estate or vehicles -- doesn’t have a title document to indicate ownership.
And it often leads to conflict when an estate has to be settled. Has your family decided who gets the dishes, the tools, the antiques and the photos when you or your parents pass on? The reason for the conflict is that emotion and attachment are associated with these kinds of items. Perfectly mature and loving family members can have conflict not over the car or tract of land as much as Dad’s favorite rifle or Mom’s set of dishes. Maybe it’s the saddle Dad used for 50 years or the photo that always hung in the living room.
Who deserves those items? What’s fair? Because these are difficult decisions, many of us are tempted to let the kids work them out after we’re gone. Unfortunately, that type of thinking puts the kids in a very difficult, and often contentious, situation.
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Three Issues
A caring person would make sure that there are not only a will and estate plan that handles the major assets, but also a plan that designates who gets those items that have sentimental value to family members.
There are three issues to focus on when thinking about who may end up with what. The first is to recognize that what is important to one person may not be to another.
The second is the perception of what is fair is often not the same. Some people will say, I love all my kids equally, so they all get an equal share. But how will you divide one unique item among three people? If two people want something, who should get it or how is it divided? What are the rules you’ll use? First born gets first pick? A private auction just for family members (perhaps with each using an equal amount of Monopoly money)? First come, first serve? Gifts over the course of your life? A list you make in advance of your death that indicates who should get what?
And finally, many people are not prepared to face the issues of death and loss, so motivating a conversation about a division of property can be tricky. You might try asking what if questions. “What if you weren’t able to live here any more – what would you like us to do with . . .?”
Remember that the pain of determining these answers is multiplied when a family waits until after a death to deal with them. At that time their emotions are sensitive anyway, and dealing with the added pressure of deciding who deserves which items may cause emotional hurts and divisions that last a lifetime.
Resources Available
There are aids and assistance available to help decide what your family thinks is fair, how to list sentimental items, how to make the list a legal document if desired, and so on. These materials are also helpful if someone in your family has already passed away and your family still needs to determine a way to pass various items on to surviving family members. If you contact me, I’ll be happy to share them.
Death in the family is always painful and difficult. Don’t make it worse by pitting one family member against another over personal items when you could smooth the transition.
Cole Ehmke is an extension specialist in personal finance at the University of Wyoming in Laramie. Bill Taylor is an extension educator in community development at the University of Wyoming in Newcastle.
